I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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