i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
