Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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