Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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