The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
