He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
