its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
