I can't watch pbs sober anymore
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
