if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
