Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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