Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
