Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
