Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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