Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
