It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
