I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
