everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
