it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
