hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
