dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
