I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My ass is underappreciated
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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