If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
