I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
