I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize