Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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