Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
