I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
someone owes me an orgasm
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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