I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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