no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
