my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
