y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Pants are for mortals
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
