I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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