i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize