It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
