I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
