but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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