community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
two words: eviction party
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Pooping to opera.
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