I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
