You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
