it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
