She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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