It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
