he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
