be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You can't just leave with hair like that
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
