I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
