Farmville is her only friend.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
