I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
