Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
