im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
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