Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
