He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
