shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
