i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
