What did we do last night that was yellow?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
