yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
did i walk over a car last night?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
