Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
