So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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