I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
