In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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