Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
