Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize