I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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