were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
