did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
