He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
