i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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