Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
