Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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