so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
