my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
