i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize