Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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