I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
